Welcome to the Sandpit, a weekly (Or whenever he feels like posting) Blog by our own Steve Abbott.

Enjoy what Steve has to say about Cricket, and your team mates!

13th Edition November 27 2009

What a start to the season. We're winning, laughing, socialising and less people are complaining about selections. We have social occasions coming out every orifice. More holes are required to accommodate our good cheer. It feels like Easts have gone into the event management business. BBQ's drinks, dinners, Ladies Day, back to Trumper day, where 50 dolphins gathered on the turf at Trumper to celebrate cricket, alcohol and cold sausages. Great speeches, even some partners and parents participated. Although next time younger players need to stay on later so they can see what the future holds. Mind you it is the job of our senior players to guide younger players. It would be wonderful to see worlds drunkest man, Dave Richards not only attend Trumper day but guide the younger players into the shallow waters around the Light Brigade and the Paddo Ams, where dolphins young and old have traditionally gone to die.

It is often the small things that amuse the sandpit and a recent highlight was Ben Carey almost cleaning us out of sausages, chips and bread an hour before most other players arrived at Trumper. "Have some chips, Ben" .So he takes the packet and sits by himself until they're finished. You get a century I guess the night is yours. NB Cricket is one of the few team sports that celebrates individual pursuits. I must include myself in any highlights package when I failed to catch my bowl of fried rice at the 2nd Easts Dinner Club. I just finished laughing at Sam Robson spilling his rice when I misjudged my own bowl thrown by the entertaining Japanese chef. At least I had something to eat when I woke up in the morning. I'm not too proud to lick a pair of jeans or a sheet when I'm hungry.

On the field we're winning games. first grade with their stellar batting line up should get runs but they're also taking wickets and there is laughter in the change sheds. Congratulations to Mick O Connell for introducing pate, bree and crackers post match. After all we do live in the eastern suburbs.

Dads army in 2nd grade are gaining momentum. The introduction of the community bus to pick up the senior players has them looking much fresher. The committee is also thinking of introducing a second grade pet because animals provide wonderful company for senior citizens.

Thirds have had a heart transplant under the steady hand of Dr McGoldrick, and fourth and fifth grade are doing something I never thought would happen at Easts, winning. Long term players like our big bottlemart mascot look a like Steve Warner, Filithy Phil Winteron, if the scg are looking for some rare bulli soil for their wickets look no further than filthy phils creams, they haven't been washed since his junior rep days. There's Chappo, Pants McDowell, Matt Sutherland, Tim Cutler Luke Bower, turning back the clock, while newer names, like the man with worlds tiniest hamstrings Puru, Anderson, Brooks, Gailbraith, Hill, Williams, Armstrong, are making waves, so sadly there is no one to make fun off, apart from Steve Warner, Kirk Rimmer, Bruce Williamson, Owen Ridge, Howard Warner, David Dunne, and Lee 'sharp intake of air' Kirk

So I'm sorry this Sandpit is not full of sarcasm and character assignations but to do so would be forcing the issue. How can we make fun of success, spirit and enjoyment and the architects of these good times, the worlds most enthusiastic man, Wayne Geber, our extremely passionate chairman of selectors Reno - what other selector wears his spikes to training. Or how can we poke fun at the tough love from Miss Poland, Ed Zelma and his appealing smooth skin. It would be wrong

I wish the season was over now and we could end with this current euphoria splashing over us, but the Russian in me knows many things can go wrong. Wait a minute, Sandpit, do not let negative thoughts flourish. Kill them, manifest only in the positives of my sharp nosed, part European, jumping castle with nipples. This year let's leave nothing on the field, except for Powerade bottles, lunch wrappers and newspapers so Mick O'Connel has something to do after the first grade matches.

12th Edition October 8 2009

For those who don't know who I am, I'm Steve Abbott, the artist formally known as sandman. No relation to Tony Abbott. What you are reading right now is the Sandpit, the place where all matters Dolphin are re interpreted and the only opinion that matters is mine. I'm only child and I do as I please

Yes, it's true I was recently involved in a political scandal involving the state minister John Della Bosca. For 48 hours I was lead story on TV and the front pages wearing a pink suit, (I look like the worlds biggest musk stick or a penis with hair at the wrong end). For the record I did not have an affair with John Della Bosca. For 48 hours I could not turn my phone on because every journo in Australia was ringing for information. I had no inkling of this story breaking. When the story did break a few weeks ago I was actually on the phone and after I hung up I had 15 missed calls. The first message was from friend Tony Squires, "Ring me! Ring me now." The second was Sixty Minutes, and the third call was from my mother, "darling your back on prime time TV. You look good in the face but you appeared a little fat".

Anyway I am the ears and eyes of this proud club. I have moles throughout the grades receiving information and gossip seconds after it hatches. My first impressions this 2009/10 season are positive. With Mr. Enthusiasm Wayne Geber and the Polish Express Ed Zelma at the helm the dolphins heart has been officially restarted. Ed's verbal response after claiming an LBW at Drummoyne was loud enough to wake up Owen Ridge and spook pigeons in Hunters Hill. Yes my friends we're off life support. We have new players, old players pretending to be new players, we have the same players, and of course we have lost some players, but the difference this season is the amount of love ricocheting off the walls, like a rainbow lorikeet trapped in a room without windows. Training is like Woodstock. Two hours of peace, love and adult banter.

I was heartened to see how many Dolphins turned up to the Paddo RSL post match after rd one. New club captain, the greatest swing bowler at the club since Justin Dery, Max Abbott, guided us through the grades…Tim Browns speech is available in hardback for those who missed it, and of course we all enjoyed Lee Kirk critique of 2nds grade loss to Bankstown. The crowds playful in-taking of air that accompanies Leroy's every move warms the cockles, whatever they are. Even the Sandpit was not spared. I was mercilessly teased for wearing a pullover to Paddo rsl by the third grade captain. Of course we both know he will pay for that down the track.

We have lots of ideas, socially speaking. As always most of them will remain just that…. but apart from the infamous Christmas Party and the proposed black tie presentation night, we're planning a Ladies Day at Waverley, poker nights at Paddo rsl, the Dolphins Dinner Club, where a group of assorted dolphins sample the cuisines and wines of the eastern suburbs. We have back to Trumper Day where our hosts third and fourth grade introduce other grades to the delights of this little valley. The great West Indian bowler Malcolm Marshall who played for the Dolphins once pushed off its iconic stained picket fence, there's kiosk that always runs out of stuff before 1pm and it's often unattended, the dog fights, nude runs and the subsequent fines and suspensions, and of course the confusion new players have between the home and away dressing rooms.

Anyway welcome Dolphins new and old. I hope your stay is a pleasant one. Congratulations to our President and committee building us a strong foundation for the 2009/10 season. So let's pick up the baton, get involved, get family involved, partners, strangers, animals, in fact grab anyone and come and watch some games, then socialise like there is no tomorrow, or even David Morrow.

11th Edition 8 February 2009

Welcome to the Sandpit a place where unwelcome thoughts are presented for public consumption…

This year I've visited all grade teams and although Sandpit detects good things on the field, Dai Williams dashing front foot play in a losing 2nd team, James Galbraith toiling for 24 overs in a losing 4th grade team, 5th grade actually being competitive, listening to Lee Kirk talking about umpiring in 3's, and of course Ed Zelma's inspired spell and spray at Chatswood late in the day in a winning 1st grade team, Sandpit can't say the same for our off field activities. Sure the Xmas party went ok, but generally post match activity has been mediocre this year.

Surely the social committee, Jim, Tracey, Bob, SP, and Sandpit are not to blame…after all we're at every Thursday training session providing free sausages and one dollar beers, not mention the golf days, tennis tournaments and post match functions we run every week, etc…we may be hovering above the mean age of most players but we're incredibly immature and immaturity keeps you young, so to say we're lazy and out of touch is ludicrous. Our record speaks for itself

Some argue that the loss of the backroom, that is, our clubroom under Waverley grandstand, location for the greatest TV show ever, ie, Under the Grandstand, hosted by me, Steve Abbott, 275th funniest man in Australia, has meant we've lost our social atmosphere and subsequently our mojo…

In years gone by players always retreated to the back room. For those not in the know it was basically two smelly rooms, think Owen Ridges underpants, where we'd drink til over the limit. In one room there was a bar, Dennis Hourn, Bob Wilson, Bob Horsell, or David Morrow might be serving, Bruce Williamson was nestled in a corner telling us Bruce Francis's batting average in 2nd grade or Lee Kirk's bowling stats from green shield. There were usually problems with the keg, after a draft it was not uncommon to have a temporary Santa beard from the froth. Photos, trophies, honour boards and a calendar from the 70's featuring an almost naked woman (she was only wearing cricket pads) adorned the crumbling walls. This was the closest many players got to a meaningful relationship in the 80's. Move cricketing equipment in the northern room and players from 70's who'd not made it home after a PGS game in '79 might still be there, sleeping it off. Despite the dankness and close proximity of the toilet, a particularly foul brew left from an uncaring sod often made it difficult to breath, it was flashpoint for social activity.

As players returned from wherever the club captain shoved Bruce aside, stood on a stool and encouraged grade captains to talk through their respective games. Stand out performers skulled beer, sunburt players sang 'he's a piss pot through and through"; always a great moment when a young Green Shield boy who top scored 5th grade skulled a beer while his mum waited downstairs to drive him home. However the days of Poddy Richards walking home from the back room, naked, clothes tucked under his arm, and Joe Price plying Alex Way with beer until he swayed like a green sapling in a westerly are over. Sure we miss the back room and its disappearance has had an effect, but if we are to be really honest towards the end the back room had become a shadow of it's former self. That unique back room atmosphere doesn't hold the same lure as it did for our previous custodians. Younger players are more interested in dressing the same and heading to places where both sexes socialise. Nostalgia is a funny thing. I love triple treats and still rush to buy one when I can find them but after one bite I realize they're not quite the same anymore…NB I still love paddle pops though.

Nevertheless these days the club does seem like a tangle of strangers and we need to address this. When players go up and down the grades it's like they're changing schools…why? Answer, I don't know, but we need to blame someone, so I'm proposing that it's Phil Winterton's fault.

My previous suggestion that 'on field' success result in instant elevation to a higher grade and FAILURE be punished with RELEGATION is one way to encourage bonding. Bitching is eliminated, players get to know each other better, it diffuses disgruntled parents, and inconsistent or constantly injured players become very popular because they may play in all grades during one season.

An end of season theatrical production might create some friendships. I have always found working on stage shows a terrific bonding experience. Imagine an end of year Dolphins production of Hamlet with Jacob Taucher playing Hamlet, Bruce Williamson as Polonius, Peter Nevill and Chris Weeks as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Lorraine Warner as Gertrude, David Dunne as the ghost. Memories for cast and audience can last a lifetime

Or perhaps we build friendships from the ground up. That's why I think Sandpits latest innovation, enforced random socializing, can change the social landscape and right all the wrongs created by Phil Winterton.

Recently I put players/official's names into a hat and drew them out to create pods of dolphins, who go out with each other to consume no less than four drinks …Players produce receipts to prove they socialised then write a short critique about their date. Tim Cutler please note, short critique only

Results of the random draw conducted 28th Jan at the home of the greatest swing bowler since Justin Dery and Australia's 275th funniest man, Max and Steve Abbott are posted below. The recommended venue was also drawn and is likewise gazzetted

N Bracken/M Forster Cock and Bull. Bondi Junction
M Anderson/S Robson Maroubra Seals
C Maurice/L Bower The Royal, Paddington
N Leydon /L Kirk The Exchange, Oxford street
T Cutler/B Williamson Dragonfly
P Rathore/R Wilson Ravesis
P O Halloran/G Clarence Bambini wine room
L Warner/A Ezekiel Tea Gardens Bondi junction

M Stewart/D Dunne Phoenix Hotel
O Ridge/J Waller Hugo's
M Sciacca/J James Charing Cross Hotel
B Murphy/J Taucher Bat and ball
Jim Smith/A Gay Nth Bondi rsl
T Shipstone/E Zelma Courthouse Hotel
K Rimmer/Z Zinman Bronte RSL
D Richards/M Hall Clovelly bowlo
P Kham/P Lovitt Bondi Hotel
P Neville/P Winter ton Pizza hut

G Quinn/B Wilson Sean's panorama
C Coen/A Pratt Robin Hood
A Anderson/M Sutherland Clovelly Hotel
D Mitchell/T Armstrong Watson's Bay hotel
J SummersK Powell Bayswater brassiere
M Hughes/N Berry Tilbury
B Chilko/M Quinn Paddo Inn
B Horsell/R Grimson Olympic
G McKenna/B Carey Midnight shift
A Ritchard/D Chapman Kitty o sheas
P Stewart/M Power Sheaf
C Weekes/G Johstone Catalina
B Haddin/T Brown Q bar
T Doyle/M Ezekiel Icebergs
M O Connell/H Warner Hakoha
S Warner/B Ballin wallaby bar darling harbour
D Warner/M Abbott BB's wine Bar
J Galibraith/S Abbott Lord Dudley
Sp Mc Goldrick /A Palmer Moulin Rogue

Of course you may choose to ignore these suggestions and for that I respect you.



10th Edition 28 September 2008

Welcome to the Sandpit 2008…. for those who don't know, or who are new to the club, this is the place where you find out what's really going at Easts Cricket Club, second. It's the place where rumors are validated or refuted, it's where the business end meets the social activity, and it's the place where certain people are sacrificed for the pleasure of others. For those who do know me, I'm Steve Abbott, the artist formerly known as Sandman, the same overweight minor celebrity wanker writing the same rubbish as last year. This season is the first that the Sandpit has no official function at the club. To say I'm bitter is an understatement. I have been stripped of the club captaincy and was not asked to join the board, again. It must be said there is a dire need for a free thinking maverick at the coalface of East's cricket club and transit lounge. Perhaps next season the club will shed some deadwood and elect forward thinkers, like myself, to take the club from the 70's into the 1980's. Grade cricket can longer be run like a 60's surf club. A lot has changed in the last 30 years. 30 years ago Malcolm Turnbull wanted to be a Labor senator, 30 years ago an I Pod was a self centred dolphin…30 years ago Chook was under 80K.. Welcome to all the new players. My advice; expect less than what you've been promised and stay away from the following; Owen Ridge, Steve Warner, Bob Wilson and Kirk Rimmer and I assure you that your season should be a pleasant one. There are some sad goodbyes; Chas Keogh has fled to New Zealand. Chas regularly played for WA and Australia in his dreams and will be missed by the Sandpit. Mudguts, despite training with us at the start of the season, opted for Sutherland where he will be opening the bowling, batting and keeping. Mud was a loyal servant to the greatest grade cricket club in Australia. Who will forget his match winning innings at coogee oval to help us win the first grade grand final several years ago. For mine Mud will be missed because I always knew it was time to go home when Mud reached the 6 schooner mark. After 6 beers and with Mud in tow I knew we'd be refused entry at most establishments so I might as well call it a night. We will just have to rely on Dave "worlds drunkest man" Richards from now on. It's also farewell to Andrew Rollins, last years 5th grade captain…Andrew did a sterling job and was a courageous captain…anyone who goes for 20 in his tenth over and still has the courage to bring himself on for a an 11th and a 12th over is leading by example in my book…. One innovation this season is the Sandpits spontaneous site inspections of player's flats and houses. We randomly film the state of bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchens then post an edited version on our website…. only players with the special sandpit code will have access to this service. Social wise we have an active year planned with our corporate lunch at Tatts, the Christmas party, featuring a 50 minute speech about the Australian fashion industry by Mick O Connell, a Tuscan cooking demonstration by Howard Warner and nude runs by our most underachieving bowler and batter from both the men's and women's teams. Of course it will be the second year of our highly successful simpleton doubles tennis tournament… first prize a weekend for four at Cypress Lakes in the hunter Valley (conditions apply) And we have the "back to Trumper twilight BBQ", where 3rd grade host all other grades plus family and partners in front of the Kiosk until the sun sets. This, as it was last year, will probably be cancelled. Okay so the club is in tatters after the first round, we already have injuries, excuses, red faces and questions, but at least 3rds and 5th's got up. I personally think we should have a knee jerk reaction and make wholesale changes. I believe if a player has success he should instantly go up and if you fail you go down. For example Dave Warner, despite having a NSW contract got 4 runs and his bother zero so they drop back to 5th while Tim Doyle who got 4 for 20 goes to 4's and so on. Sure some weeks we may have 6 quicks in the top grade, but we were going to play 5 seamers in 1st grade in round one anyway, so there is a preceedent. This would take the stress and ego out of selection meetings and what a thrill for the 5th graders to play with someone like Dave and Steve Warner and even Nathan Bracken, if he fails in ones. It sounds ludicrous but think about it. And let's look for other positives from the first round, in the case of 2nds it was a vast improvemet on last year. At least 2nds lasted to just after 4pm this year instead of 1 30pm in same round at Allan Border Oval last year. That's 3 hours of improvement. I should also say my favourite thing in life is seeing someone miss out on something they desperately want, so if I don't live up to your expectations this season at least you know I'll be happy and that is the main thing…

9th Edition - 11 February 2008

I was discussing with a few lads at Trumper who would be the most formidable Dolphin's player in a fight. Answer, we struggled to name anyone. The more we thought about it the more we realised we (east's) are rubbish when it comes to pugilism. We certainly have people who talk the talk but we have few who walk the walk. Names that came up included' Jimmy Smith, Lee Kirk, Howard Warner, Paul Byrom (when drunk) Pratty, Chook got a few votes, anyone whom can't rest his arms on his side must be packing something under the training shirt, although I have long suspected there is just compressed air making those shapes. NB Chook is one of the few people who can wear our training shirts so all sponsors names are visible from behind. Wayne Geber looks the goods, sans shirt but he's too nice, Dave and Steve Warner would be useful at best, I'd back Lorraine to defeat Steve. Robbie and Bob Wilson could do over someone in a two on one situation. Obviously Mick Hall has the back up of the police, Tom Petrie has size but rumour has it at schoolies he was found wanting, the jury's still out on our new Ben Carey, Mark Riddell look-alike 2nd/3rd/ 4th grade keeper, Goofy is too busy eating, Nathan Loveday's name came up in dispatches, but he's a little young and should not be in places where alcohol and anger collide. Myself well I've had the one street fight. After two weeks of being stalked on the school bus by a guy called Lance I finally had had enough and launched on him using a mixture of fist and the briefcase my parents bought me at the start year 12. Sadly the driver Mr Wong stopped the bus and kicked us both off onto the expressway. As I was being shoved off I stumbled and Lance got on top of me and I couldn't get him off and he beat the shit out of me, until a guy in a EH Holden pulled over and broke us up.

 Anyway, as your cultural ambassador, co-club captain and father of the greatest swing bowler this club has seen since Justin Dery, keep this in mind when you've had a few and start talking the talk, there is no one (apart from Mick Hall) at our club who can back you up. Obviously Andrew Rollins can offer legal assistance if you sue for damages.
 The xmas party was a success and we learnt something about ourselves. It showed us how difficult stand up comedy is. The Sutherlands, despite having moments, discovered puns alone will not suffice in the world of comedy, for Kirk Rimmer and Steve Warner an example of pun humour is my father had a colostomy bag but he took it all in his strides. We discovered Tim Murtagh couldn't drink; we voted Kirk Powell the new Josh Holt. We leant that you can take the girls out of Wallsend but you can't take the Wallsend out of the girls. And thanks to those progressive types for bringing partners to this momentous event. One of these days cricket will leave the 70's and embrace the 1980's.
Cricket wise 2nd grade lead the way, first grade won a joint premiership in a rigged card game against ND's and along with the PGS remain there or there abouts… 5th grade started winning then decided to lose again but because its more comfortable. 4th grade are still waiting to start the season and 3rd grade would be in running if the committee acted upon my suggestion of installing a retractable roof at Trumper. How much is a Sydney grade cricket club championship worth. Surely the 130 million would be paid off, eventually.
 A reminder that the inaugural Simpleton tennis tournament is on Feb 24th at Palm's tennis courts behind Paddo bowlo. If you want to be one of the 32 players to compete in this exclusive doubles tournament, first prize a trip to Canada for two, start registering, Monday 11th of Feb after 10am before 5pm. The first 32 go into the draw to see who plays with whom. There will also be a Calcutta on the pairs. NB This is decided at Paddo RSL Feb16th 8pm.

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