Steve Abbotts Sandpit - Eastern Suburbs Cricket Club

Welcome to the Sandpit, a weekly (Or whenever he feels like posting) Blog by our own Steve Abbott.

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10th Edition 28 September 2008

Welcome to the Sandpit 2008…. for those who don't know, or who are new to the club, this is the place where you find out what's really going at Easts Cricket Club, second. It's the place where rumors are validated or refuted, it's where the business end meets the social activity, and it's the place where certain people are sacrificed for the pleasure of others. For those who do know me, I'm Steve Abbott, the artist formerly known as Sandman, the same overweight minor celebrity wanker writing the same rubbish as last year. This season is the first that the Sandpit has no official function at the club. To say I'm bitter is an understatement. I have been stripped of the club captaincy and was not asked to join the board, again. It must be said there is a dire need for a free thinking maverick at the coalface of East's cricket club and transit lounge. Perhaps next season the club will shed some deadwood and elect forward thinkers, like myself, to take the club from the 70's into the 1980's. Grade cricket can longer be run like a 60's surf club. A lot has changed in the last 30 years. 30 years ago Malcolm Turnbull wanted to be a Labor senator, 30 years ago an I Pod was a self centred dolphin…30 years ago Chook was under 80K.. Welcome to all the new players. My advice; expect less than what you've been promised and stay away from the following; Owen Ridge, Steve Warner, Bob Wilson and Kirk Rimmer and I assure you that your season should be a pleasant one. There are some sad goodbyes; Chas Keogh has fled to New Zealand. Chas regularly played for WA and Australia in his dreams and will be missed by the Sandpit. Mudguts, despite training with us at the start of the season, opted for Sutherland where he will be opening the bowling, batting and keeping. Mud was a loyal servant to the greatest grade cricket club in Australia. Who will forget his match winning innings at coogee oval to help us win the first grade grand final several years ago. For mine Mud will be missed because I always knew it was time to go home when Mud reached the 6 schooner mark. After 6 beers and with Mud in tow I knew we'd be refused entry at most establishments so I might as well call it a night. We will just have to rely on Dave "worlds drunkest man" Richards from now on. It's also farewell to Andrew Rollins, last years 5th grade captain…Andrew did a sterling job and was a courageous captain…anyone who goes for 20 in his tenth over and still has the courage to bring himself on for a an 11th and a 12th over is leading by example in my book…. One innovation this season is the Sandpits spontaneous site inspections of player's flats and houses. We randomly film the state of bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchens then post an edited version on our website…. only players with the special sandpit code will have access to this service. Social wise we have an active year planned with our corporate lunch at Tatts, the Christmas party, featuring a 50 minute speech about the Australian fashion industry by Mick O Connell, a Tuscan cooking demonstration by Howard Warner and nude runs by our most underachieving bowler and batter from both the men's and women's teams. Of course it will be the second year of our highly successful simpleton doubles tennis tournament… first prize a weekend for four at Cypress Lakes in the hunter Valley (conditions apply) And we have the "back to Trumper twilight BBQ", where 3rd grade host all other grades plus family and partners in front of the Kiosk until the sun sets. This, as it was last year, will probably be cancelled. Okay so the club is in tatters after the first round, we already have injuries, excuses, red faces and questions, but at least 3rds and 5th's got up. I personally think we should have a knee jerk reaction and make wholesale changes. I believe if a player has success he should instantly go up and if you fail you go down. For example Dave Warner, despite having a NSW contract got 4 runs and his bother zero so they drop back to 5th while Tim Doyle who got 4 for 20 goes to 4's and so on. Sure some weeks we may have 6 quicks in the top grade, but we were going to play 5 seamers in 1st grade in round one anyway, so there is a preceedent. This would take the stress and ego out of selection meetings and what a thrill for the 5th graders to play with someone like Dave and Steve Warner and even Nathan Bracken, if he fails in ones. It sounds ludicrous but think about it. And let's look for other positives from the first round, in the case of 2nds it was a vast improvemet on last year. At least 2nds lasted to just after 4pm this year instead of 1 30pm in same round at Allan Border Oval last year. That's 3 hours of improvement. I should also say my favourite thing in life is seeing someone miss out on something they desperately want, so if I don't live up to your expectations this season at least you know I'll be happy and that is the main thing…

9th Edition - 11 February 2008

I was discussing with a few lads at Trumper who would be the most formidable Dolphin's player in a fight. Answer, we struggled to name anyone. The more we thought about it the more we realised we (east's) are rubbish when it comes to pugilism. We certainly have people who talk the talk but we have few who walk the walk. Names that came up included' Jimmy Smith, Lee Kirk, Howard Warner, Paul Byrom (when drunk) Pratty, Chook got a few votes, anyone whom can't rest his arms on his side must be packing something under the training shirt, although I have long suspected there is just compressed air making those shapes. NB Chook is one of the few people who can wear our training shirts so all sponsors names are visible from behind. Wayne Geber looks the goods, sans shirt but he's too nice, Dave and Steve Warner would be useful at best, I'd back Lorraine to defeat Steve. Robbie and Bob Wilson could do over someone in a two on one situation. Obviously Mick Hall has the back up of the police, Tom Petrie has size but rumour has it at schoolies he was found wanting, the jury's still out on our new Ben Carey, Mark Riddell look-alike 2^nd/3^rd/ 4th grade keeper, Goofy is too busy eating, Nathan Loveday's name came up in dispatches, but he's a little young and should not be in places where alcohol and anger collide. Myself well I've had the one street fight. After two weeks of being stalked on the school bus by a guy called Lance I finally had had enough and launched on him using a mixture of fist and the briefcase my parents bought me at the start year 12. Sadly the driver Mr Wong stopped the bus and kicked us both off onto the expressway. As I was being shoved off I stumbled and Lance got on top of me and I couldn't get him off and he beat the shit out of me, until a guy in a EH Holden pulled over and broke us up.

Anyway, as your cultural ambassador, co-club captain and father of the greatest swing bowler this club has seen since Justin Dery, keep this in mind when you've had a few and start talking the talk, there is no one (apart from Mick Hall) at our club who can back you up. Obviously Andrew Rollins can offer legal assistance if you sue for damages.
The xmas party was a success and we learnt something about ourselves. It showed us how difficult stand up comedy is. The Sutherlands, despite having moments, discovered puns alone will not suffice in the world of comedy, for Kirk Rimmer and Steve Warner an example of pun humour is my father had a colostomy bag but he took it all in his strides. We discovered Tim Murtagh couldn't drink; we voted Kirk Powell the new Josh Holt. We leant that you can take the girls out of Wallsend but you can't take the Wallsend out of the girls. And thanks to those progressive types for bringing partners to this momentous event. One of these days cricket will leave the 70's and embrace the 1980's.
Cricket wise 2^nd grade lead the way, first grade won a joint premiership in a rigged card game against ND's and along with the PGS remain there or there abouts… 5^th grade started winning then decided to lose again but because its more comfortable. 4^th grade are still waiting to start the season and 3^rd grade would be in running if the committee acted upon my suggestion of installing a retractable roof at Trumper. How much is a Sydney grade cricket club championship worth. Surely the 130 million would be paid off, eventually.
A reminder that the inaugural Simpleton tennis tournament is on Feb 24^th at Palm's tennis courts behind Paddo bowlo. If you want to be one of the 32 players to compete in this exclusive doubles tournament, first prize a trip to Canada for two, start registering, Monday 11^th of Feb after 10am before 5pm. The first 32 go into the draw to see who plays with whom. There will also be a Calcutta on the pairs. NB This is decided at Paddo RSL Feb16th 8pm.

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Welcome to the Sandpit, a weekly (Or whenever he feels like posting) Blog by our own Steve Abbott.

Enjoy what Steve has to say about Cricket, and your team mates!